


Lacrymosa

by syzygy_mellifluous



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Don't know if this would be considered hurt/comfort, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:47:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23879380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syzygy_mellifluous/pseuds/syzygy_mellifluous
Summary: And you can blame it on meJust set your guilt free, honeyI don’t want to hold you back now, loveAnna shares an incredibly dark secret with Kristoff and is certain that it will change the trajectory of their blossoming relationship. Kristoff disagrees. Kristanna Modern/Vampire AU.
Relationships: Anna/Kristoff (Disney)
Kudos: 19





	Lacrymosa

**Author's Note:**

> So...hi. This originally started as a multi-chap fic but my brain doesn’t work that well, so I turned it into a one-shot. Inspiration came from the song Lacrymosa by Evanescence. Enjoy!

Kristoff wasn’t sure what to expect as he approached the looming house. He was reminded of the previous night, when Anna had arrived at his front door in the midst of a terrible storm to tell him a deep secret that she held. Because she’d decided to leave as abruptly as she’d arrived, he never found out exactly what that secret was -- and it was bothering him. He wasn’t trying to be nosy or insensitive, but he could tell that this secret must have been _gnawing_ at her. Her life was very calculated; there was little room for spontaneity and it was very unlike her to just show up somewhere, unannounced. It was even more unlike her to miss work, which she had done that very day.

He took a deep breath and looked up at the monstrous house as he approached the front steps. The air was chillier than usual as he finally reached the front door and the eerie silence that plagued Arendelle was noticeably present, once again. He closed his eyes as he reached out to ring the bell and once he’d pressed it, he knew there was no going back.

After a few moments, he heard footsteps approach and the door gently swung open. While he’d hoped it would be Anna who would answer the door, he was not surprised to see it was her sister, Elsa, whom he’d never met before. He was immediately taken aback by her appearance; she looked sickly. White-blonde hair, pale skin -- lacking any color except for the extremely obvious circles under eyes -- sharp cheekbones, a smattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks, and intense blue eyes. While she looked exactly like her younger sister, she certainly did not look well. 

“Can I help you?” She asked, crossing her arms over her chest. Despite the harshness of her features, her face was soft. It was obvious they didn’t receive visitors often, as she looked incredibly concerned by his presence.

“I’m- ” he started. “Is Anna here?”

She pursed her lips, her expression changing from concerned to dark. She shook her head. “I’m sorry, you shouldn’t be here.” She moved to close the door in his face, when he suddenly heard Anna calling for her. 

“Elsa, who’s at the door?” She suddenly appeared behind her sister, stealing a glance through the gap between the door and the frame. “Oh! Kristoff!”

"Hi,” he gave her a small smile and awkwardly waved. He wasn’t used to seeing her out of the dark colors she wore to work; she was wearing a light grey oversized sweater over a pair of leggings, and her hair fell in loose waves down her back instead of in the bun she normally wore. She was lacking her trademark red lipstick, and though he’d never noticed before, she, too, had dark circles under her eyes. Though she didn’t look nearly as ill as her sister, she certainly looked different when she wasn’t expecting a visitor. 

“Did you invite him here?” Elsa hissed, looking at her sister with a worried expression.

“No, but I’m glad he’s here. Please come in, Kristoff,” Anna beamed, pushing her sister out of the way so she could open the door fully and welcome him inside.

“Anna!” The elder sister exclaimed. “You know our agreement about guests.”

“Screw it,” Anna retorted. “We never have guests. Now please move out of the way so Kristoff can come inside.”

Elsa hesitantly stepped to the side, and Kristoff stepped into the vast entryway, the door closing behind him. On top of being massive, it was spotless -- it almost had a sterile feeling to it. He moved to take off his shoes, but Anna stopped him.

“Don’t worry about that,” she said, placing a hand on his arm. “Let me take your coat.”

He shrugged the coat off and handed it to her. As soon as she turned her back, and under Elsa’s watchful gaze, he slid his feet out of his sneakers. 

“Please, excuse us, Elsa, but we’d appreciate some privacy.”

Elsa shot her sister a warning glare, but promptly spun around and made her way up the staircase.

“Listen, Anna, if this is a bad idea -” he started.

“Hush,” she quipped, cutting him off. “Don’t worry about her. Come on, we can go sit in the living room.”

She took his hand in her ice cold one and led him through the house. It was impossibly clean, not a speck of clutter or dirt to be found. He tried to take in as much as he could before they reached the living room, but it wasn’t far from the front door. Unsurprisingly, the couches were white and spotless, standing out against the hardwood floors. A blue patterned rug and a dark wood coffee table sat near the couch and against the far wall was a lit fireplace. Anna comfortably hopped onto the couch and patted it, inviting him to sit down next to her. He did so cautiously, afraid that he would get it dirty or break something in the process. 

“Sorry about my sister, she can be a bit...cold,” Anna explained, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“It’s fine,” he gulped. He hesitated for a moment, as he normally wasn’t impulsive, but on the drive over he had decided that it was better to be forward than to dance around the reason why he was here. “We kind of need to talk about last night.”

“I know,” she mumbled, looking down at her hands. “Kristoff, I am so, so sorry for bursting in like that. I know that my behavior probably seemed really erratic and I left so abruptly and it really wasn’t fair to leave like that. It wasn’t even fair for me to show up in the first place. I’m really sorry.”

He sighed. “Listen, don’t be sorry for coming over, okay? I told you that you’re always welcome. But you scared the living hell out of me last night; you came over, completely panicked and going on about a secret you had to tell me, made out with me, and freaked out and left without much of an explanation. Then you didn’t show up to work today and I got really worried that I did something or hurt you.”

“No! You did nothing wrong! It was all me,” she took both of his hands in her own, attempting to reassure him. “I didn’t know what I would say or do when I saw you. It was easier to just stay home.”

“Anna, you really hurt me,” he admitted. “You told me you had feelings for me and then told me I should find someone else. You said you couldn’t give me what I deserve, and frankly, I don’t even know what that means.”

She closed her eyes, clearly remembering their exchange from the previous night.

_“This was a mistake,” she mumbled. “I’m so sorry, Kristoff.”_

_“I don’t understand,” he began, as she slid her arms back into her shirt, not bothering to button it or tuck it into her skirt. “You have to tell -”_

_She reached up and cupped his jaw, brushing her thumb over his lip and silencing him. “Kristoff, you didn’t do anything wrong. I shouldn’t have come here and led you on like this.”_

_He winced. “You said you had feelings for me.”_

_“I do,” she sighed, her eyes glossy. “But I can’t give you what you need, what you deserve.”_

_“Anna, I need you.”_

_“No,” she responded firmly, shaking her head, moving her hands from his face to his shoulders. “You deserve to be with someone who will love you fully and unselfishly. I don’t want to hold you back from that. I can’t change who I am and my love isn’t enough.”_

_“This doesn’t make any sense,” he responded, his forehead creasing. “My life has always been so shitty, and then you come along and you’re literally the best thing that has ever happened to me and yet you’re standing here, telling me that your love isn’t enough and I should find someone better?”_

_“I’m sorry I...I just can’t be with you.”_

_“Why? Please, I need to know. Did I do something wrong?”_

_“No!” She exclaimed, dropping her hands. “You’re wonderful. You’re perfect. It’s not you, at all.”_

_“Anna, please let me in,” he begged, taking a step toward her._

_“I have to go,” she ducked down, slinging her coat over her arm. She turned away, opening the door and stepping into the storm. She glanced over her shoulder and whispered “I’m sorry,” before darting to her car._

_Kristoff watched, stunned, from the doorway as she drove away, feeling helpless and overwhelmed. He stood there for a long time, hoping that she’d turn around and come back. When a significant amount of time had passed, and she hadn’t returned, he ventured back into the house, his heart breaking._

“I don’t know what to say,” she responded after a few moments of silence, her eyes still squeezed shut. “I didn’t want to hurt you. It’s just that…”

“What?” He begged. “Please tell me.”

“You kissed my neck,” she answered, closing her eyes as if she were ashamed to admit it.

He blinked, a blush slowly creeping across his cheeks. “Did I cross a line? I’m sorry -”

“No, you did nothing wrong. But it’s why I panicked and left.”

He shook his head. “I’m confused.”

She inhaled deeply through her nose. “If I tell you why I left...tell you my secret, you won’t _ever_ look at me the same way. Everything you think you know about the world will fade away and I’ll never be able to take it back.”

He gently squeezed her hands and she finally looked up at him. “Anna, I know we aren’t really...together, but I promise, there’s nothing you could say or do that would change how I feel about you.”

She gave him a small nod and they sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. Finally, she mustered up the courage to whisper “I’m...not alive.”

He made a noise that sounded like a laugh, only he wasn’t laughing - this was not remotely funny. He desperately needed clarification; she was sitting right in front of him and he was _certain_ that she was alive. “I’m sorry, what?”

“You know Dracula?” She asked, hesitantly.

He was unsure where she was going with this. “Yeah?”

“I’m... _that_ ,” was all she could offer, as if she were afraid to say the word out loud. 

“A vampire,” he blurted, saying it for her. “I don’t understand. That’s a myth.”

She shook her head. “I thought so, too. I was wrong.”

Everything seemed to be falling into place. The odd behavior he’d observed over the course of the past few months was starting to make sense; her physical strength, her impeccable hearing and sense of smell, her constantly cold skin, the fact that she never ate in front of him. Why she freaked out when he kissed her neck. “B-but you’re alive! You’re sitting here, in front of me.”

She didn’t respond, but rather took one of his hands and guided it up to her neck, tilting her head and placing his fingers beneath her jaw. She held his hand there for a few moments, before moving it down to the center of her chest and holding it there with her own hand.

“Do you feel anything?” She asked, quietly. 

He didn’t, but he didn’t want to admit that. “Anna -”

“Because I don’t have a heartbeat. So don’t lie and say that I do, because I _know_ that I don’t. I know what I am.”

He was suddenly overwhelmed. A million questions were swirling in his head; he didn’t know what to ask first, or how to ask. All the pieces of the puzzle were put together. All the time they’d spent together where he wondered if there was something different about her. He’d spent months pushing those thoughts away, making up explanations for them, but now? Now he had one, and as illogical as it seemed, she was being completely serious.

“Have you always been like this?” Was the first question that tumbled out of his mouth.

“No,” she whispered. “I wasn’t always like this. I used to be a human.”

“How did this happen?”

She sighed. “So a few years ago, I was dating this guy and things were going really well. He was a little quirky, a little strange, but I didn’t think anything of it. Eventually, I brought him here to meet Elsa, because at that point I was certain I was going to marry him, and I left the room for one second. When I came back, he was attacking her and I intervened and he ran off. So...she was turned first. I tried to help her for a long time, but I didn’t know how and eventually, she lost control and turned me.”

He sat there, speechless. He wanted to have something to say, wanted to comfort her, but the words were lost. She finally removed his hand from her heart, but continued to grasp it firmly in her own.

“I wish that I didn’t have to tell you that,” she continued. “But it just...it isn’t fair to keep you in the dark. But hopefully now you can understand why we can’t be together.”

“I don’t, though. Like, yeah, I’m a little overwhelmed and confused but I really don't understand how that changes anything.”

“Kristoff, it changes _everything_. Any chance of me having a normal life is gone. You don’t know how badly I craved an average life - a happy marriage, a house with a white picket fence, children. A fulfilling life, dying of old age. That was all ripped away from me; I can’t have that anymore.”

“But why not?”

“Because I’m stuck like this forever! I can’t change - I don’t age. As much as I love living in Arendelle, in a couple of years I’ll have to leave it all behind because I will look _exactly_ the same. People notice if you never get any older.”

“Oh,” he mumbled, unsure of what else he could possibly say. A pool of ice had settled in the pit of his stomach and he felt the weight of the world on his shoulders; he couldn’t imagine the burden that Anna had been carrying around.

“Listen to me,” she said, moving her hands up to cup his jaw and looking him in the eye. “You _deserve_ to be with someone who can give you normalcy. A normal job, a normal life. Kids. I’m not going to sit by and let you waste your life on something not worth living for.”

“Don’t I get a say in all of this?” He asked, his eyebrows furrowing together. “Because it seems like you’re deciding what type of life I should live.”

“I _cannot_ and _will not_ let you waste your life on me,” she responded, shaking her head. 

“Anna, that’s not fair. Before I met you, I was sure that I was going to live my life on my own. I grew up in foster care and I was bounced around until I was legally allowed to be on my own. I worked hard, I got a job and an apartment. My entire life, I didn’t have anyone who I could depend on except myself. It got to the point where I _wanted_ to be alone because it was safe. And then I moved here, and I met you and my outlook on life changed. And now you’re telling me that my life would be wasted if I choose to spend it with you? I disagree. Can’t we at least try?”

“Life is so short, you can’t take that for granted,” she insisted, dropping her hands away from his face and pulling them back into her lap.

“Listen, I have feelings for you. They’re strong and they’re not going anywhere. If you have feelings for me like you said you did, then I don’t see what’s stopping us from pursuing something.”

“I just - I think about the things that I wanted and I don’t know how I could live with myself knowing that I...prevented you from having them,” she finally said, her bottom lip quivering. “It feels so selfish of me.”

“It’s not selfish to want something, though. You’re not holding me back from anything, and I don’t know the rules of being a...you know what, but I’m sure some of the things you want can still happen,” he was making a hefty assumption, but he needed her to understand that he wasn’t worried about missing out on anything. 

“I had dreams. Lazy weekends in bed until noon, cuddled under the blankets and blissfully unaware of the outside world. Dancing in the kitchen while cooking dinner and drinking wine on a weeknight. Staying up all night talking about the future. Going on adventures. None of that seems possible now,” her eyes momentarily twinkled with the slightest glimmer of hope.

“We can do things like that,” he promised. 

She shook her head incredulously. “I don’t sleep, I can’t eat human food, and while the sun won’t kill me, I burn really easily.”

He reached out and gently gripped her shoulders. “But what I’m hearing is that you _can_ still lay in a bed and cuddle, dance, stay up all night, and go on adventures. There just has to be a few modifications.”

“I don’t know,” she whispered, dropping her head. 

“Things will be different, sure, but you won’t know unless you try,” he pointed out, reaching over to tilt her chin up so they were making eye contact again. 

She winced. “But what if I hurt you? I’m dangerous and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

“You haven’t hurt me yet, have you?” He offered her a weak smile. 

“No, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a possibility. Look at what happened to me,” she motioned to herself. “This was an accident.”

“Anna, I could walk outside your door and get struck by lightning or get hit by a truck. I’m willing to take that risk.”

“But why?” She pleaded, her face scrunching up. “Why are you willing to sacrifice everything for me?”

“Because I have a feeling that if this were the other way around, you would do the same. Because the last two months with you have been the greatest two months of my entire life. Because you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m not ready to lose you. I don’t ever want to lose you, if I’m being completely honest.”

Her face softened at his confession. “I don’t want to lose you, either - _that’s_ why I’m so worried.”

Although she hadn’t said it out loud, he knew why she was trying to keep him at a safe distance; she was fighting a war against herself - one where she chooses to make herself happy at the possible expense of another person, or the other, where she makes both of them miserable with the hope that he'd move on, eventually, and he’d be able live the life she’d dreamed of for herself.

“So then stop trying to push me away,” he said with gentle directness. He placed one hand on her freezing cheek and she leaned into his touch, eyes fluttering.

“You deserve to be happy and I’d just feel so guilty -”

He cut her off. “I know, baby, but don’t. You deserve to be happy, too.”

She nodded slowly, a small smile spreading across her lips. “I’d like that - to let myself be happy.”

“Good,” he breathed, smiling back. 

They sat together in silence for what felt like an eternity. Finally, she exhaled deeply, running her fingers through her hair. “I guess we have a lot to figure out, huh?”

He nodded. “We do, but we don’t have to rush anything. Just as long as we can both agree that we’re in this together.”

Suddenly her arms were wrapping around his neck, pulling them close together. He pressed his hands to her back, welcoming the embrace. “We’re in this together,” she promised.


End file.
